Thursday, February 26, 2004 :::
don't you forget it (glen lewis)
hi... so.. um.. have you found your gentle soul? just thought i'd ask because it caught my eye. you caught my eye also. have a great day.
::: posted by boots at 7:49 AM
are you feelin' me (aaliyah)
a very smart person once told me that “dreams are what guides people to live, and yet often times it is also what destroys us from facing reality”
I haven’t been dreaming lately. I guess I’m uninterested in what I think I might want, and more interested in what I know I do want. my dreams used to drive me, now they hold me back. I’ve come to expect that I need to get out in the world and make things happen instead of dreaming of things to happen. what I want from life isn’t in my dreams. It’s in my everyday life, and I see it right in front of me. i see how people interact with me, and it makes me feel special and at times it makes me feel loved. You can’t get that from sleeping.
::: posted by boots at 7:38 AM
Wednesday, March 12, 2003 :::
mr. man (alicia keys)
Fill in this questionnaire and send back. NOTE:
> Answer truthfully, (but not too seriously) OK, here's
> what you do: copy this
> entire
> e-mail and change all the answers so they apply to
> you. Then, send this to a
> whole bunch of people INCLUDING the person who sent
> it to you. The theory is
> that you will get a
> whole pile of get-to-know-you e-mails! You'll learn
> a lot of little known
> (and sometimes scary) facts about your friends.
>
> *************** STATS AND OPINIONS****************
> FULL NAME: boots
> BIRTHDAY: july 15 1978
> BIRTHPLACE: some broke down palace in the p.i.
> HOME: is where i pass out!
> HAIR COLOR: skin EYES: brown HEIGHT: 5'7"
> WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: cancer
>
> *******************LOVE****************
> DOES LOVE SUCK?: most of the time... but only when
>you're not in love. when you are you don't see just
>how much it can suck!
> IF IT DOES IS IT STILL WORTH IT?: hell yeah it is!
>lol
> BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?: sleep is still my girlfriend
> HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: sure why not...
>
> *****************************************************
> ARE YOU A RIGHTY OR A LEFTY?: righty.. we rock!
> HISTORY OF FRACTURES: none. ever.
> EVER STAY IN A HOSPITAL OVER NIGHT? once when i was
>ten or younger... i forgot why. but i think that's why
>i love jello.
>
> *************** THE FUTURE************************
> WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 10 YEARS?: chicago
> IN 20?: back in daly city after retiring from being a
>top notch broker in chicago.
> **************HAVE YOU EVER...*********************
> BROKEN THE LAW: sure. lots of times...
> RAN AWAY FROM HOME: no way... not with my mom's fried
>chicken!
> EVER CHEATED ON A TEST:? not for school.
> TRIED TO MAKE SOME ONE CRY? i'm not that mean.
> BEEN SUSPENDED FROM SCHOOL?: yeah... for smoking.
> TALKED BACK TO A TEACHER?: yeah. in gym class. she
>got so pissed at me.
> CRIED BECAUSE OF PHYSICAL PAIN?: i think so. maybe
>back when i was a kid or something
> ************** Do U Believe IN...*******************
> LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?: sure. it could happen.
> ALIENS: yeah... they're watching you.... (perverts)
> GHOSTS: i see dead people... no really. i do.
> HOROSCOPES: hell no! they suck! never on the money.
> GOD?: of course. he's the man...
> ********************* WHICH IS BETTER?**********
> MUD WRESTLING OR JellO WRESTLE?: JELLO ROCKS!
> WHITE OR CHOCOLATE MILK?: nonfat milk latte.
> DEAF OR BLIND?: deaf
> BREAKING A LEG OR BEAKING A HEART?: um.. my leg and
>my heart? or someone else's leg and heart?
> *******WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU**************
> CRIED?: never! i'm a man! men don't cry (last night
>lol j/k)
> GOT A REAL LETTER?: are bills real letters? i get
>those every damn day!
> HAD A REAL RELATIONSHIP: two years ago... wait..
>almost three years ago. damn!
> ******************* WHAT...**********************
> WHAT IS THE BEST ROMANTIC MOVIE YOU EVER SAW? um...
>notting hill.
> WHAT IS THE BEST ACTION MOVIE YOU EVER SAW? two
>towers!
> WHAT IS THE ITEM YOU WORSHIP THE MOST? my bed! no
>no... stop being a freak. i love sleep.
> WHAT IS THE WORST SONG YOU HAVE EVER HEARD? "who let
>the damn stupid ugly ass sorry song singing dogs out"
> WHAT IS THE BEST SONG YOU HAVE EVER HEARD? something
>by troop... can you guess?
> WHAT IS THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU: being
>born!
> WHAT WAS THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU:
>damn credit cards!
> WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE
> UP? ask myself why i get up at 3am!!!!
> WHATS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? a mouse. my hand?.. i donno.
>
> WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER: 715
> WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM: nothing.... it's
>blank. what should i put?
> WHAT IS THE WORST THING YOU EVER DONE IN YOUR LIFE:
>oh... good one... can't say. sorry. ask me nice and i
>might tell you.
>
>
> ********************FAVORITES:*****************
> YOUR FAVORITE TOY WHEN YOU WERE TEN? he-man!
> FAVORITE T.V. SHOW WHEN YOU WERE TEN? saved by the
>bell.
> FAVORITE RELATIVE: harvey... haha
> FAVORITE TV SHOW: friends. that 70s show. anything on
>the history channel, or discovery channel.
> SHAMPOO: i don't have hair! damn it!
> COMMERCIAL: that terry tate one... haha. it's so
>funny!
> FAVORITE MAGAZINE? horse and hound... (lol)
> THREE FAVORITE DRINK: REMY! REMY vsop!!!! and REMY
>XO!
> FAVORITE SOUND: the sound of my new phone going off
> FAVORITE SMELL FOR MEN OR WOMEN: on me?... issi
>miyaki. on a girl. anything. just as long as she
>doesn't stink!
> FAVORITE THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: sleep!
> SOUND-TRACK(S): the best man.
> FAVORITE BAND OR GROUP: Oh.. THaT onE GrOuP.. ThE
>BAckStink BOys... EsPeciALly thAT onE gUy... BusTIn
>TImbERFakE...
> GUM: dentine ice.
> FAVORITE MOVIE(s): princess bride
> IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT
> BE? sleeping all day! woooohooo. someone out there
>has to be willing to pay me to sleep all day.
> IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY PERSON IN THIS WORLD WHO WOULD
>IT BE? oh..
> IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO: a sleeve on my left arm
>to my chest.
> **************** DO YOU?********************
> DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: no.
> DO GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS? yes
> DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: sometimes
> SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMALS? heck no
> DO YOU TYPE WITH FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? only the
>left hand.
> DO YOU DRINK? i'm drunk right now! haha.. j/k. i
>wish!
> DO YOU SMOKE?: nope. used to.
> WHO IS YOUR BIGGEST CRUSH RIGHT NOW?: oh... guess!
> WHO DO YOU HATE?: this one dumb ass fool from Scores.
>
> WHO HAS IT EASIER, GUYS OR GIRLS? guys do. we really
>do!
> FAVORITE QUOTES: "the naked truth is always better
>than a well dressed lie"
> NiCKNAMES: hero, mister man... no one calls me that..
>but you can start it! lol
> YOU BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION? yeah... i think harvey
>is the reincarnation of a really stupid man. what a
>dumb dog!
> DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A GOOD LISTENER? what?? i'm
>sorry. i didn't catch that?
> WOULD YOU RATHER BE OVERLY HAPPY AND POOR OR OVERLY
> WEALTHY AND UNHAPPY? happy and poor seems to work for
>me now.. so why change.
> DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE? yeah. with no shirt! lol.
> DO YOU LIKE TO TALK ON THE PHONE? not really. but if
>someone can keep me on the phone for more than
>15mins.. look out now!
> ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT: it's not that i'm
>shy.. but getting shot down sucks.
> WOULD YOU RATHER GO WORKOUT OR WATCH TV? oh... um...
>damn. how about watching a show about working out?
>haha.. that happend to me one time. i was on my way to
>the gym... and the discovery channel had this thing on
>pro bodybuilders.. haha.. lazy.
> WHAT'S YOUR DREAM HONEYMOON PLACE: my bedroom.. lol.
>;)
>
>******************OPTIONAL*****************************
> HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU HAD YOUR FIRST KISS? um...
>12 or 13..
> WHO WAS IT? hum... she's on the list. ;)
> HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST IT? what? lost it?
>lost what? i lost some keys one time at band camp...
> WHO WAS IT? who was what? i think someone stole my
>keys!
> WHAT DID IT MEAN TO YOU? that my keys were gone! damn
>it!
> DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE A GOOD LIFE? hell yeah.
> WHAT CAN MAKE IT BETTER? love... (everyone say
>"awwww")
> DO YOU LIKE YOUR JOB? hell yeah.
> WHY? because i could fill out these things all day
>long.
> SAY ONE GOOD THING ABOUT THE PERSON THAT SENT THIS
>TO YOU. i don't even know who sent this to me.
> SAY TWO BAD THINGS ABOUT THE PERSON THAT SENT THIS TO
>YOU. what? man. don't you listen. i said i donno who
>sent this to me! get off my back....
>
>
> WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?: someone's
>hero! (i added that last one)
>
>
>
>
>comments....
>
> okay. this took way to long to fill out. but if
>you're bored...
>
>
> SEND IT BACK....
::: posted by boots at 10:16 AM
Tuesday, March 04, 2003 :::
so many lies have been told by the hand that i used to hold. so many times i listened with a smile... and all the while i was being played. never once on my part was a mistake ever made. so tell me why did your feelings fade? i gave you everything that i had with a face of some one who was oh so vary glad... to bow... so tell me how? how was it me that was in the wrong when our favorite song was all of a sudden just a little to long? how our favorite place to visit was just now some scenic bullshit? how my tender touch was all of a sudden to much? to much what??? to much love? smothering you and covering you with something you just didn't care for anymore? so tell me now... what do you have in store? to many times i let the lies go just because i didn't want to know... that you and i were actually over long ago. trusting in you i fell so vary far and never once did i remove your status as my star. you were everything to me, but i guess that's just the way it was meant to be.
forever for you wasn't defined as my forever. eternity for you was closer to never. so many times you whispered sweet nothings in my ear... sweet nothings were in fact nothing but i couldn't hear. so slowly does my heart take the pain of loss, but at what cost? how do i even begin to tell you that you hurt me terribly so? how do i begin to tell you that i still can't go? i'll whisper it to you as i did every compliment. i'll tell you, but it still wont prevent what was meant...
::: posted by boots at 9:11 AM
truth be told when morning breaks, and as i wake from my deepest slumber i lumber to remember what dreams were dreamt in the vail attempt to analyze what i missed... you and i kissed. but is it real the way you and i feel when we haven't even met? search so long with no regret. so many people have told me that you wait. so many people told me that you are my fait. but who are you and how will i know when you finally show? a tender kiss with abundant bliss? anyone can provided sex appeal, but it still won't be real if you don't feel what i feel. so i kneel and pray that one day you'll come around my way.
blinded eyes cause frustration in this endless race to self satisfication. so why do i always fall for temptation? in an endless search for your purity i'm only build on my own insecurity. so... did i ever tell you what love can do to me? pain and pleasure in one universal package... hate and anger that i must learn to manage.
unfinished
::: posted by boots at 8:58 AM
an unending amount of emotions flow as i grow, but sometimes i feel as though i'll never really know if at the end i'll have anything to show. time spent learning is wasted because i haven't tasted the pure... so still i'm not sure. wasting. sadness. death. whatever it was that caused me to seek for even if it was just a little peek hasn't given good explanation for my expanded deprivation of truth. ... but wait. maybe it is i that doesn't want to see what they are so graciously trying to show to me. maybe the visibility of truth will let loose the endless amount of injustice that circles my heart and maybe that is why my past and i can not part. ... so... shale i start my search brand new and see where this time it will lead me to? and if i do decide to explore how will i know what to look for? ... .. or should i wait? wait. all i ever do is wait. so many times i've let the cards deal my fate. misrepresented sadness is hidden well with the facade of happiness that i have honed to perfection for the sake of outward impression... but wait. now that i mention... why... why is it important to me that i have to show a smile when really i'm not happy?
so... maybe i should redirect my quest, and try to put my soul to rest.
::: posted by boots at 8:58 AM
Tuesday, February 25, 2003 :::
one mo gin (d' angelo)
Okay. Say you’re a chicken. And you want to cross the road. But there’s hella traffic. Hum… okay. Let’s say that what’s across the road is something you think you want, but aren’t really sure. It’s been in the back of your head for a while now, but you just don’t feel like getting run over by some jerk in his Mini Cooper. If you get across the road and find out that what was there was the same thing on the side you were just at is it really worth the journey? Okay. Now… let’s say that the longer you wait to cross the road the more lanes of traffic are gonna be built. Damn government! So you wait… you think about it… wait some more… more lanes are added. You wait so long that it’s now three years later, and it’s no longer crossing a road. Now it’s more like crossing a super highway where instead of the tiny Mini Coopers you’re up against H2s (they’re everywhere).
Now. Let’s say that what you thought you MIGHT have wanted across the road is now a burning passion that consumes your entire day. You wake up and you look outside your window. Tippy toe just so you can see over the H2s. across the road is something you know you want. Get out of bed. Lay and egg (you’re a chicken). You stand on the side of the highway waiting patently to find any kind of opening… just one chance to go for what you need. Go for what it is you want. Anyway………. It’s just a big car. You’re a little chicken. You could totally pass right under them.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wasn’t a chicken shit!
::: posted by boots at 8:59 AM
Tuesday, February 18, 2003 :::
How Many Mics (Fugees)
On the brink I stop to think that I can do this, but stress sets in and I begin to doubt what I’m all about. On stage it feels a little too real so I pause to steel a minute before I can begin it. I speak… but nothing comes out and again I being to doubt. My words are written with the true intent for me to share… but with fear progressing it’s like I don’t even care. How so? I want everyone to know. On stage I stare at my captive listeners. Wondering how long I can pause before my listeners become whisperers. Under their breath I hear my fear and it’s all again just a little to real. With the spotlight glaring it feels as though I’m baring the weight of the entire room on my shoulders. The stage gets a little colder.
Still on spot I being to plot my ungraceful exit. In my head I try to make believe that I can leave without regret, and that one day I might forget. Can I? Sure I can, but then again it’ll be in the back of my head, and every night I’ll lay in bed thinkin’ “damn. I shoulda spoke instead.” I start to feel as though maybe I can let my feelings go and then I can show my reasons for stepping on stage. What was written wasn’t written to be kept on a page. Courage creeps and it seems to seep from within my heart and my fear and I begin to part. I write what I feel is right, and hopefully I can recite without an internal fight. My eyes focus forward towards the crowd. Wondering how to make my soft voice loud. My lips quiver as I begin to deliver my long awaited package. Silence broken as unspoken words become spoken. Everything begins to flow as I let everything I had inside go. Let me let you know. (Insert poem here…)
::: posted by boots at 10:04 AM
Tuesday, February 11, 2003 :::
I forgot when i wrote this. I know it was about two year or something. The point is that I just found it and it's not terrible so I'll share it with you. Maybe it'll help. Maybe it won't.
Black Magic Woman. (Santana)
The great depression
Unjust and ill fitting I seek to repent the past that seems to last through every single task. Tried and tested I remain vested in my old fashioned ways that seem to barley get me through my normally lonely days. Lonely… pain is multiplied by the realization of a solo step… steps towards the reclamation of the tears I’ve wept. Steps to remember the thoughts that were pondered as I layed awake for the sake of self-pity. Constantly I try to see past the past, but how can I when all I really want ismy… past. Asimplesmell. A simple smile… a simple kiss. Reminisce. Promise.
Lets talk.
What happened to the night you said that forever was mine? Twisted emotions are traded so readily that sometimes it’s hard to remember what was said. And what was said isn’t always what was implied. What was implied wasn’t always what was meant… and so the truth was bent. And even with a million hours spent we couldn’t prevent the deteration of our love. So came separation. Talented negotiation of postnuptial conferntation couldn’t rebuild our trust so it seemed certain that our forever was no longer a must. Days into weeks… weeks into months… and now into years… so why after so long are there still tears?
Tell me why.
Silent courage isn’t worth what it used to be when I only see what I choose to see. The awkward exterior of my fake smile will only last a while. Keep staring and the smile cracks for lack of feelings to back it up. Still I’ll try not to give up. I’ll show you what I want when I want… never to flaunt. What it is exactly do I have to show that would let you know that it’s hard to let go. Everything that I had to give was given and now I sit alone unforgiven.
The great depression.
Sometimes I walk through the shallow halls of my memory and try to remember what you meant to me. Seems funny now but back then I never really knew what your love could actually do. The way you used to look into my eyes to see right to my heart. The way you used to whisper that we would never be apart. Every step was spoken for. Every road led to the next open door. Everything was great until we went our separate paths… so what in the world would last? If not love then what? Sorrowful tears are shed with each one burning with the yearning of agreat depression. Each tear wanting to be sad. Each tear wanting to fulfill its destiny as a messenger of sorrow. But for my tears there is no tomorrow. They dry and turn into saltand Ifell as if it’s entirely my fault. Is it?
… So it seems fit that here I sit without a bit of wit. Hopefully a day will come when I can see whatis truly right for me.
::: posted by boots at 9:00 AM
Monday, February 03, 2003 :::
damn it. i totaly forgot about this thing. oh well.. um. let's see. nothing. this sucks!
::: posted by boots at 10:51 AM
