Tuesday, March 04, 2003 :::
so many lies have been told by the hand that i used to hold. so many times i listened with a smile... and all the while i was being played. never once on my part was a mistake ever made. so tell me why did your feelings fade? i gave you everything that i had with a face of some one who was oh so vary glad... to bow... so tell me how? how was it me that was in the wrong when our favorite song was all of a sudden just a little to long? how our favorite place to visit was just now some scenic bullshit? how my tender touch was all of a sudden to much? to much what??? to much love? smothering you and covering you with something you just didn't care for anymore? so tell me now... what do you have in store? to many times i let the lies go just because i didn't want to know... that you and i were actually over long ago. trusting in you i fell so vary far and never once did i remove your status as my star. you were everything to me, but i guess that's just the way it was meant to be.
forever for you wasn't defined as my forever. eternity for you was closer to never. so many times you whispered sweet nothings in my ear... sweet nothings were in fact nothing but i couldn't hear. so slowly does my heart take the pain of loss, but at what cost? how do i even begin to tell you that you hurt me terribly so? how do i begin to tell you that i still can't go? i'll whisper it to you as i did every compliment. i'll tell you, but it still wont prevent what was meant...
::: posted by boots at 9:11 AM
truth be told when morning breaks, and as i wake from my deepest slumber i lumber to remember what dreams were dreamt in the vail attempt to analyze what i missed... you and i kissed. but is it real the way you and i feel when we haven't even met? search so long with no regret. so many people have told me that you wait. so many people told me that you are my fait. but who are you and how will i know when you finally show? a tender kiss with abundant bliss? anyone can provided sex appeal, but it still won't be real if you don't feel what i feel. so i kneel and pray that one day you'll come around my way.
blinded eyes cause frustration in this endless race to self satisfication. so why do i always fall for temptation? in an endless search for your purity i'm only build on my own insecurity. so... did i ever tell you what love can do to me? pain and pleasure in one universal package... hate and anger that i must learn to manage.
unfinished
::: posted by boots at 8:58 AM
an unending amount of emotions flow as i grow, but sometimes i feel as though i'll never really know if at the end i'll have anything to show. time spent learning is wasted because i haven't tasted the pure... so still i'm not sure. wasting. sadness. death. whatever it was that caused me to seek for even if it was just a little peek hasn't given good explanation for my expanded deprivation of truth. ... but wait. maybe it is i that doesn't want to see what they are so graciously trying to show to me. maybe the visibility of truth will let loose the endless amount of injustice that circles my heart and maybe that is why my past and i can not part. ... so... shale i start my search brand new and see where this time it will lead me to? and if i do decide to explore how will i know what to look for? ... .. or should i wait? wait. all i ever do is wait. so many times i've let the cards deal my fate. misrepresented sadness is hidden well with the facade of happiness that i have honed to perfection for the sake of outward impression... but wait. now that i mention... why... why is it important to me that i have to show a smile when really i'm not happy?
so... maybe i should redirect my quest, and try to put my soul to rest.
::: posted by boots at 8:58 AM
