Monday, October 07, 2002 :::
Faith and free will guide me.
I walk through light to dark and see what caused my spark, and ask why he confuses me by letting me be who I want to be.
"Child you are free to do as you wish. The whole world can be your dish. Faith and free will can your guide, but always stay true to what's inside. Let your will be your force, but always let your faith be your source."
So I walk... along my journey there are a few stumbles and slips. Once in a while I’ll curse him through my lips. Be damned that he made my day wretched. But it's my fault that I’m not protected.
"Son you truly have to understand that I cannot hold your hand. The tasks in front of you are things only you can do."
"Then father forgive my actions, for they are only for my satisfaction. I do as I wish and never have I once praised you. Never once have I been true. Only so vary often will I even conceive a decent image of glory. Only so often do I tell a truthful story. I tired honestly I tried, but I lied. Oh so many times I lied... deception and fraud were the best tools at my disposal, so please father forgive and give another proposal."
"Son have you forgotten that I can not interfere in any way. You must live life day by day. Prove yourself to me by showing me your versatility through any and every adversity. I set the task, but it's you who must pass."
Faith guide my free will and me.
So again I walk through the dark to the light. I’ve seen so many failures through my fight. I’ll set my sight and try to do what's right, but first I start a new. As I have evaluated where the old ways have taken me through. The easy street is a crooked path. The easy street is the way of wrath. It’s the fastest way to my eternal sorrow. It’s the only way to eternal woe. So be it that it was up to me to uncover, that sin with sadness was my lover.
"Father please listen. Let me share with you my new mission."
"Child, to your voice I am always attentive. So speak and let glory be your incentive."
"For so many years I’ve lived life with faith and free will, but still I spill the cup of life that you so graciously have bestowed on to me, so let me show you what I see. The first day of grace... I begin my race and ran my life from the first breath I drew, to the unwillingness towards you. Showing my back and losing track of everything that was anything... so where do I begin? I guess it was a misunderstanding by me of what you wanted my life to be. Free will. Free will is mines, but free will can kill. So... is this of your creation? Something that could destroy a nation? You let me live and you let me do as I please, but fortune and greed is usually what my free will sees. Up until now I’ve lived for wealth. Stole through stealth. Compromised my health. That was my free will. So why oh gracious god do you let me do this? How can my earthly body ever rise to heavenly bliss? Did I miss your kiss? But I didn't. I remember it was when I was a child of two... they knew... how to guide me and always took pride in me. Blessed be my parents. A child of two that baptized me onto you. A year of life but I remember what you said to me that day. 'You are now my child I will always be your guide. I am faith.' those were the words you spoke to me. Those were the words that set me free. Father I have seen a glimpse of hell and I memorized the cries so well. They cry and weep and never sleep. Eternal is their pain, but they were the ones to blame. I cannot lead my sole to this place, so I saved myself through your grace. The words you spoke the day I was cleansed are the words I will gladly lend... to any and every that will hear it. So be it. 'You are my child now. I will always be your guide now. Although you may never see my sight I will help you choose what's right. Although you will never hear my voice I will always give you the choice. This is a gift that I give to you, but in turn you must give me one too. Faith. Without faith your free will runs ramped and make terrible decisions. So this is your position.' so father I have come to the end of my explanation of why you give us free will without expectation. And from this day till the day I see you I’ll try so hard to be true, and live every day as a new possibility to show you the best of me."
::: posted by boots at 9:01 AM
It’s been a while. I kinda miss talking to you. I kinda miss telling you what’s on my mind. So much is going on, but it seems as though I have nothing to say about it. I can’t really bring myself to the table and just sit down and put my feelings and or thoughts on paper. Even if it is just a little tid-bit of info. Why is it that sometimes you feel like writing and sometimes you don’t?
::: posted by boots at 8:24 AM
